Chapter I: In the Beginning

this thing was so full of centaurs

                     In the Beginning                             In the Beginning there were thousands of centaurs. Look up, bam a centaur, look down, Bam yet another centaur! These centaurs, oh boy were there boat loads of em. For thousands of years centaurs were the dominant species on the planet earth. This was largely due to the fact that humans had not quite developed the cognitive skills they have today. Also centaurs were hella faster than humans. They had four horse legs for Christ's sake. So for like a hundred years or something these horse fools would clomp around like they owned the place.
      "Clip Clop Clip Clop. I own this place." That's what they were like, a real bunch of jerks truth be told.
      Then the unthinkable happened to these centaurs. People learned to think, at least for a couple hundred years they did. So with their shinny new brains this guy named Ugluk Sanderson invented the spear. With the advent of the spear came the downfall of centaur society. Everywhere centaurs were being speared down. It was really kind of a sad time for the centaurs. Anyway, mankind eventually killed all the centaurs.
      I know what you are thinking. You are thinking "wait is this not a blog about a centaur named Brandon???"
       In which case I would respond to you. "Bahahaha do not be worried fool. There is a perfectly logical explanation for the existence of Brandon!"

The birth of a hero

      You see Brandon, our awkward hero, is not some centaur of lore and myth. He is in fact just a product of bestiality.
     I know what you are thinking. You are thinking "Oh no, that is disgusting! I thought this Brandon guy was going to be a hero I could relate to but now, but now you have totally ruined it for me. You are a real dick guy."
   To which I would respond "Jesus you do make quite a few assumptions don't you guy. You should really learn to hold your horses. If you would just let me explain some key points in the plot before you kept getting so mad maybe the story line would progress a bit more! So shut up! Good can I continue or do you have anymore smart remarks you would like to share with us all before I continue? Hmm, well do you?" At that point you would back off because I am beastly and intimidating. Story continue.

He loves him some Leviticus.

  Brandon, the son of a most unnatural birth was actually conceived on accident. It just so happened that Brandon's father James IV ,who was at that time the earl of sandwich, which is a much tastier sounding position than it truly is, drunkenly stumbled forth into yonder stables mistaking it for his keep and impregnated his most prized mare whereas he thought she was his wife. This sort of thing happened all the time, and it is truly amazing that a centaur was never born this way before or since then. I guess you could call Brandon a miracle of sorts. If you don't believe me I have a photo of Brandon taken at last years Church picnic.  PROOF>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Still not convinced how about some historical evidence you jerks See they are totally real!. Now that we are all happy I will continue the story once more.
   As you can imagine growing up was not always easy for Brandon. Every one gets made fun of grade school, and it doesn't help one bit when you are the only quadruped-humanoid in the district. Over the next few chapters we shall discuss Brandon's life as it is and the challenges he has faced to this day. Brandon the Centaur is currently a centaur/senior attending honors classes at Queen Creek High School. If you would like to contact him email him at his email!